Thursday 18 February 2016

Say what you want to say!

Lately there is a post going viral around Facebook about the children who have special needs and don't get invited to birthday parties. The forgotten ones. This mass following of social media 'literature' makes me weep because I couldn't think of anything more impersonal than a lonely, special needs, forgotten child being passed off for a stock standard message that requires no effort besides copy and paste.


 Even in our most vulnerable of times when we know someone is feeling terrible the best we can do is be bare enough to show we agree with a person's message? The sad thing is literature has always been better than that. Literature was always an outflowing of emotions inked on a page. Why have we lost the ability to honestly care and show it through our own scripted words?


It is true, 21st century sees a mass onslaught of technology and a considerable backseat to book and old school literature but the medium should not, must not, change the art.


Its not the first time I have thought about this. A passionate, outspoken person on the issues of domestic violence and suicide I try to do the best I can to use literature to shed light on the dark situations that are life's realities. People might read but they don't want to talk about, share it, let alone post their own emotions about a topic. Its a gut wrenching reality to realise that people are either too PC or simply don't care about each other enough to state their own personalised message.


Those special needs children, yes they are forgotten, uninvited but they are more forgotten and criticized by the adult majority not children. Children might be worried about peer acceptance or don't fully understand how others are different but the reality is adults do. What's more its kids breaking down the superficial barriers not adults.


Those people who commit suicide, its highly likely you would never have a clue they are even thinking of it. They could be the happiest person you ever know but the point is they don't want you to know what there problems are because they don't want to burden you. So they'll showcase a face to ensure that yours isn't turned upside down until they no longer can. Yet on 'are you ok day' people can't be bothered to recognise that its their everyday actions that lead to isolating others and it takes a far mire concerted effort than one honest check in a year.


That mother who appears to have it all together, she's broken inside worrying what's going on with her kid, whether she's doing anything right and hating that she'll be judged anyway.


The person with a mental health condition is the silent ghost in the room who has perfected being silent because society isn't comfortable dealing with someone who might have odd, off the cuff moments.


The domestic violence victims live in fear each day that the horrors of the past will relive themselves. That their dreams will be taken over by nightmarish taunts.


The brave person who's constantly calm and getting on with things, whom everyone thinks has it all together  just wants people to stop thinking their perfect and go a little crazy.


The homosexuals want people to understand  that dealing with who they are at times is as difficult as stubborn people dealing with the fact that gay people exist of no fault if their own. But they love who they are and life just the same as everyone else.


The writers...they just want people to show real emotion in a century whereby a mass message is meant to comfort a group of mass sufferers and outcasts.


Put your heart on your sleeve people. Be vulnerable, pick up your pen, press some keys and actually say how YOU feel. Whether you're the next best writer or not doesn't matter what matters is that you do it.



Wednesday 17 February 2016

Making the most of it

Live Life Happy Quote: Appreciate what you have while you have it. Don't dwell on the past, don't worry about the future. Live in the present, make the most of it.:

For the first time today I verbalised that I was in fact 30 years of age. It made me laugh as the number became a reality and I said that phrase I've often heard from 'old' people that 'age is just a number.' Life is quite hilarious, it seems to be that everyone's paths are virtually the same or at least there are many commonalities. I guess the most important part is making sure you know how to make your life something else, something special. Different.

In January I ended up travelling to Budapest and Cardiff. It was a heck of a lot of fun and to top it off I got to celebrate turning 30 years of age surrounded by some lovely friends and luxing it out in the lovely St James Court Hotel near Buckingham Palace. It was quite the lush experience, I didn't want it to end. The entirety of my birthday month was so fun and adventurous that it left me thrilled for what lie ahead this year. So naturally this morning when I am laying bare chested on a hospital bed getting an ECG I told the 20 year old female intern that in fact life does start when your 30.

The past few weeks has continued the nostalgia for the yester years as it were and has given me what I think is the best gift ever- wisdom. I am no longer at an age where I want to spend time with people who will waste it, I don't want frivolous friendships or relationships and I don't hold back on what I want. Most importantly if I want to experience something I make it happen, I don't wait for it to happen. Thirty honestly feels like the sweet spot. Had someone said that too me when I was 20 I think I would have laughed it off, probably as much as the intern nurse when she was looking at me hoping her 'girls' don't look like mine in 10 years time but alas I would bet she would be saying the same thing when she gets here. In my early 20s I wanted to grow up, have kids, a house all the things that I felt an adult was supposed to do. In my late 20s I knew that being an adult wasn't settling for anything and now at 30 I know how to make sure know one hinders that effort. A blunt, cut throat approach to life it may be but who doesn't want to make the most of it?

As Valentine's Day came and went I thought of all the things I love about growing up and it has nothing to do with what I have or who is or isn't on my arm. It is much more than that. Years ago I would have accepted being hidden behind the shadow of beautiful people around me. Today I don't accept that I'm not worthy of being noticed. Its nice how the moments in life give us the opportunities to learn about these things as well, how we have grown and developed.

For example, when I was a teenager and we were learning swimming at school we always had to get changed in front of our peers, I hated it. Naturally I tried to do the most awkward of changing routines beneath my towel while the other girls wondered why I was testing out my contortionist skills. But the truth was regardless of size I wasn't comfortable with how my body looked. 10 years down the track I found myself in a London change room where clearly women had been changing in front of each other for years. I wasn't used to it at all. I was immediately thrown back into the emotions of those teenage years. It seemed ridiculous but I never really had to get used to accepting myself in such a way. Slowly but surely I got used to the fact that changing rooms were scarce and unless I wanted to freeze whilst waiting for a change room in the middle of a UK winter I needed to embrace my body and just get changed. It sounds like the most ridiculous thing but nonetheless a key part of recognising that I needed to finally grow up and well, 'get over it'. Now thanks to 'environmental conditions' I have managed to gain a body confidence I never had before, and have found that in actual fact the changing room experience is far less daunting and more accepting than I had ever imagined. Ultimately, to be able to appreciate yourself well is a real blessing and it is completely underrated.

For women (and I daresay men as well) reading magazines stand as a way to make you feel as though your life needs a complete overhaul in line with the monthly magazine schedule. But little, sustained changes are the most important ones that allow us to make the most of life. I still vaguely recall the first time I decided (as a teenager) to stop waiting for friends and do things on my own. It was a daunting experience but now years later I am someone who is comfortable in my own skin. It was this little decision and slowly built confidence that helped prompt the decision to move abroad, travel overseas solo, leave a job for a happier path and have faith that things will be fine. It isn't a series of off the cuff choices that are rashly made without some understanding of my own capabilities but it does allow me to make decisions that are a little risky yet within my capability to achieve and therefore make the most out of life.  

In any case whatever it may be looking back stands to teach us all a lot about how we can make the most of the right here and now. I encourage you to look at and appreciate where you have come so that you can make the most of what is yet to be. Don't just 'go with the flow' but create it. Have experiences that you want to have, carve the life you want to live and don't make any apologies for it. Your everyday life, friendships, relationships and achievements are exactly as you want them to be. So make the most of life and get out there.

Till next time...

Jules :)


Yes it is: