Tuesday 10 June 2014

The beauty in unpacking

When Everest didn't turn out I'm not too proud to admit I stayed with the olds whilst I got myself sorted and tried to figure how I felt about things, because even though I knew it was the right thing I could still imagine the walk in my head each day. Now that it is June it is much easier to talk about. I can unpack. Though I wasn't quite prepared for the real unpack that was to come.

I walked back into my house, the mini chalkboard eyeballed me like a lioness to its prey. 'Suspend health insurance. Pay final bills. Give parents my will. International driver's licence. British & Aus passports.' I hated how it looked at me wanting so much. I wasn't ready to wipe away my final list of 18months of lists. I turned to my cupboard to put away my clothes 'Your body can stand almost anything it's your mind that you have to convince,' 'Knock me down twice and I'll get up 10,' 'Tell me I can't do something and I'll do it.'
Mount Everest was in my bedroom and I had to conquer my own mind yet again. I looked back at my cupboard door 'sometimes you just have to shift your focus from how did I get here; to how do I leave here.' I don't know why I thought this statement would be easier than verbalising to myself 'the Mt Everest climb is postponed.' I had no answers, I sat on my bed, legs nonchalantly dangling, daydreaming about a mystical creature arriving to sit beside me and enlighten me with all the right responses I wanted, craved. Unfortunately though it's not the Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe and a great noble creature isn't going to give me the answers when I demand it. I contemplated for a few moments encapsulating the life of an angry bird and tearing all my quotes, goals, nutrition and exercise logs off my walls screaming and crying outrageously. Thankfully for my housemate and neighbours I didn't awaken their spirits with my heightened mood but rather laid silently in my bed, took long breaths and let the tears roll down my cheeks. Ahhhh.
I had to let it go, all of it. The early morning starts, vegetarianism (not too upset about that admittedly), long hikes, 3hour gym sessions- my life consumed by training. What would life look like? What would I hang on my walls now? When is the right time to do Everest again? How will my friends and family feel if they knew I had it on the agenda again? I couldn't bear more doubt from others than I had already felt for almost 2years.
I turned on the aircon, set it to freezing cold and tried to mock the freezing temperatures I was missing. For a moment I began to think that burying yourself in ice and snow at -20 degrees when anyone asked me about a myriad of Everest questions was a grand option, then I realised one fatal flaw- I live in Queensland and I can't access those kind of resources even if I willed it. Sadly that meant dealing with the situation at hand and going back to work and the rest of my life as it was.
I knew people would ask the dreaded 'Are you OK?' question; that I would want to avoid people for a bit, that I'd get sad about the inability to be submersed in ice and snow for avoidance purposes but most of all that I would gradually be able to talk about things. I sat up on my bed looked around at my motivational images, nutritional and fitness logs, a smile formed on my face- an involuntary reaction to my emotional connection to the dedication of my almost 2years of effort.

Life is interesting it teaches you a whole host of things & I am a firm believer that you learn things just as you are meant to. But life in all the forms it takes, even those really terrible days (lets be real here Mt Everest for me was disappointing and I still tear up but if it was a really terrible day I wouldn't have it on my blog- those are just for me and my special ones to know about) has some beauty in it. We have numbered days, we never know when we will be gone and yet every single one of us, myself included, have things we are bitter about. We might be bitter because we are disappointed things didn't work out as they did or because we got hurt, it is very human of us however the sad thing is that bitterness steals us of our beauty...and life, well it really is beautiful. Spot its beauty, the peace you're granted when you don't know you had the capacity to feel it, the relationships you have, the love you have for yourself, how blessed you are to live where you are and look for the lovely. When something gets you down and you find your shoulders near your ears for your own sakes unpack whatever it is that is going on with you and be ok with it to take time- but don't make excuses for not dealing with it. After all we all have baggage by choice, you can be a litesaver or checked baggage traveller, its up to you!

Julia :)
Yes. Try to notice the beauty around you today. :: 'Life Is Beauty Full' Print

Sunday 8 June 2014

New life, new pace


A few weeks ago I finished work on a full time basis to take a back seat and go and travel. My intention as everyone knows was to climb Mt Everest- we all know how that worked out, if you’re not privy get to Why Everest can wait and be in the know- since that didn’t come to fruition life has become completely different. For the first time in 7 years I have taken time off for myself that is not on a scheduled time frame (like set holidays). I am still working on days I decide to work but otherwise I am enjoying doing what I would like to do and it is lovely.

Since slowing down I have done a few mini trips to various locations near my hometown namely Rockhampton, Agnes Waters, Rainbow Beach and Brisbane (a little further away).  I have enjoyed soaking up people’s company, meeting other people and taking time all the while knowing I am not in a rush to be anywhere. I have been able to spend time with a good quality friend Emma, a supply teacher turned renovator extraordinaire; work on my fitness at any time during the day and entertain myself to my heart’s content, and it is splendid. Em and I joke about being the young retirees of our town and we are still trying to determine who is going to pay for our lifestyle while we tour about the place determining what activities and destinations are the most fun and cost effective. In a sad but highly satisfying way I enjoy the idea that others are looking at me thinking ‘why isn’t she working’ meanwhile other members of the public are probably muttering under their breath about my need to contribute to society and become responsible. I couldn’t agree more. In fact I myself find that the longer I have off work (its been 4 weeks now) the more I morph into a ‘grey nomad’ who looks at others in shopping streets or holiday destinations begging the question ‘why aren’t you working’ all the while forgetting I’m in my 20s. It is pretty hilarious actually, I have to shake my nosiness off and get real with myself.
Pretty much all I wanna do with my life: drift down a river at a very slow pace taking it ALL in

Aside from this little quirk I’ve acquired this time I’ve enjoyed off really feels like a new life and a new pace which is nice. As a young (but almost 30) adult I have always felt the silent pressure from society to get a house, grow up and be satisfied with what I call the ‘boring’ life- work, sleep, work, sleep, play for 2 days a week if routine hasn’t snatched your spirit. I actually had a ‘melt down’ about it earlier this year when I actually remembered my numerical age and got surprised then realised I better get my butt moving sometime soon, so it is actually nice to take a break to ensure my head is right for what I want in my next stage of life, that I have set a pace I am happy with and that I have an idea about how to excite my life regardless of how hard it tries to ‘bore-ify’ me. I’m not expecting any miracles or a package delivered to me with all the answered but I guess I just have time to think about what I really want instead of getting caught up in the ‘should have’ mind field we can sometimes let our hearts and mind be filled with instead of those things that makes us truly happy.
"It would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant and truly see the things that matter most."